I can't even believe I am writing a blog to share intimate details of my life but here we are. This last relationship really did a number on my emotions and I have to write about it. I met someone online and she appeared to be a simple yet caring person. We started building a bond and after a couple months we decided to make it official. I shared so much of myself with her and we were very connected on so many levels but reality finally hit recently.I give so much of me to people and never hesitate to make sure they're happy but just like every other relationship I have been in, she did not do the same.
There really isn't much you can do in a long distance relationship except build trust and take time getting to know each other. You can't go to the person's house and just talk or make love and watch any pain disappear...you just have to rely on emotions and open communication. I was determined from the start this time would be different...I would be different. I know to get something you've never had you have to do things you've never done so that was the approach I had to take. No matter what others had done, she was not them. She treated me great initially. Very attentive and available to me. We are so compatible with almost everything in our lives but I soon learned we do not show love the same. My love language is quality time and that took us out. She would devote some nights to time with me but then she would have times she would not even call me back before bed. I still had patience because this was a growing process but when we talked about it, she promised things would change. Things got better only to get worse. She started returning calls more frequently but she would still throw me away if something else came up. The worst feeling in the world is when you're on video-chat with the person you love and they always interrupt the video to take a call...then go to sleep without calling you back. I tried to cut it off a couple times but she still made broken promises things would get better.
As time has progressed things have not gotten better and I'm single again. I can't let another human being throw me away when they're seeking a good time versus a good thing. I don't want to be with anyone who entertains others when the focus should be on me. I can't beg someone to want to spend time with me when clearly their thoughts are elsewhere. Why am I writing a blog to put you in my business? Because it's healthy. I am not perfect and I also move too fast, just like the next human being when it comes to love.I thought I knew what I wanted and needed but you never really figure that out until the little things you couldn't predict would happen suddenly appear. You never can predict a person to tell you they love you yet go days without talking to you. I am not built for that and once I allowed it to happen a couple times, she felt like that was ok. It's not ok and I don't have to deal with neglect. I am allowed to want attention and a sense of being a priority.
I don't attach easily to women and I have been single over 4 years because I refuse to settle. I thought I did good this time but clearly I was not in tune with the most important parts of my heart. I now know I can't marry a woman who does not know how to communicate and comprehend the details of a situation. It's necessary to discuss things and just because a person expresses themselves to you does not mean they're too emotional...they have a right to their emotions. I absolutely can't marry a woman who does not make time for me. I am very calm but when I feel like someone is trying to play me or they are not investing the same energy they require of me I tend to be very expressive. Who wants to eel like the person they love has been lying to them about loving them back. Words are just that but the actions have to match. I let the Ram (I'm an Aries) come out a couple times yet she still found a way to divert from caring about my feelings and addressing the problem. Instead there was focus on my reaction and not what actually caused it. I deserve to be listened to and not feel like I'm complaining but that I'm actually be listened to. I know I absolutely refuse to date another person who feels like ignoring communication is an option. When it comes to love, you have to still show the other person you care, even when you're mad. You still need to talk to each other at the start and end of your day and you should always say 'I love you' to the person. Just because you're bothered shouldn't destroy the love if the love is in fact genuine and real. I don't ask for much and if talking to me on the phone is "too much" then we are definitely not compatible.
I have so much more to say but I'll leave it right here for you to digest. This is the first time I have ever given anyone a look at the behind-the-scenes of my heart but I'm so glad I decided to be free. Check back in a couple days to get more details about why I'm over love.